Grieving Mama Series: Just Another Day


Tiny - Posted on 11 October 2018

Author: 
Audrey Candy Corn

Today is unlike many other days. I feel like today will be a different kind of day. I don’t know why I feel like this, the only way to truly know would be to get through the start of the day … I will come back to this.

 

One hour later I still feel the same. Something is about to happen in my Day’s Day, what I do not know. I am not anticipating anything although I feel something coming on. I have had a similar feeling before, not lately, but today is the day, why today for such a strange feeling … should I be on guard of guard….?

 

Anxiety is arising and my temperature is declining my hands are cold and numb by heart is not racing. No it’s in fact slowing down. Am I dying is this a level of the living walking dead? Dial me back in phase two, no three let’s restart the day I will be back.

 

The unknown feeling like the glass is half way full versus empty. Something wonderful is awaiting I just have to be the willing party to receive my blessings. I have restarted my day a few times all behind a feeling that I can’t shake. It’s an interesting one. I have attempted to write this as far as I am able to get and so I think it is important to document actual real time writing not caring about any particular method, idea, or traditional ways of writing through self expression on paper. Again in real time, I write at least in this moment in this eason. I now am able to focus a little bit my handwriting is a little more relaxed, neat, perhaps legible to read, The feeling is gone, yup just like that. Sometimes this is exactly what I need (just simply start writing, grab a pen and just write, to whatever flow until satisfied). I want to talk about the problems that I have encountered and are affecting me in the inside of my heart. Lately I have been having chest pains on my left side. I have been sleep deprived and betrayed on multiple levels of the game. This shit is twisted all up and I can’t shake this feeling what’s really up … well I’ve written all of my anxiety, but this feeling is still here … let’s try this again … To the 15th cheers to starting my day over again.

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