root - Posted on 31 December 1969

In regard to the World Trade Center tragedy, David H. of Brooklyn asks, "What would Jesus do?"

by Staff Writer

The real Jesus was most likely a fairly traditional Orthodox Jew, a minor,
fairly rural Hebrew apocalyptic mystic prophet type who sincerely believed
that the world was coming to an end pretty damn soon, if not in his life
time, then soon after. He would have been completely unimpressed with the specific
political and military actions of both the US and the Taliban/ bin
Laden/ whatever army (when does a well organizied international Arabic
'terrorist group' get the linguistic status of army anyways?) and alarmed at
the breadth of unneccesary human suffering and the crass back to business

As an ancient Jew he would be shocked that people did not mourn for months
afterwards and pray constantly for the dead, suspending most daily business
til the matter was resolved spiritually.

Most likely he would have seen any US military and violent revenge actions as
a waste of spiritual energy and been insistent that everybody stop this
malarky and start worrying about their souls and spiritual life since the
judgement day was a-coming.

Just a little note Jesus would of had little truck with the modern Zionist
state of Israel either, which he would of (according to the typical
Orthodox viewpoint at that time- which still exists in some Orthodox and
Hasidic sects) seen as a secular entity not the actual holy nation promised
in Scripture. Contrary to Christian anachronism, Jesus was not a
revolutionary crusader against Rome and their Hebrew 'collaborators. Both
of which in comparison to modern governments had minimal power in the then
dusty backwater of Judea, a provincial Roman post made only slightly
appealing by the charming and notoriously boring (it was a holy spiritual
city not a party spot) ancient religeous city of Jerusalem. He was just
pissed that both entities did not agree with his apocalyptic prophecies and
the rituals of purification these prophecies demanded.

In fact Jesus who was infamous for preaching to lepers, prostitutes,
>outcasts, beggars and other lowly gentiles (non-Jews, a fact that greatly
attracted the ambitous mercenary soldier and enterepenaur Saul- later known
as Saint Paul {one of the few Jews with both military and civilian Roman
citizenship} and the opportunistic public relations man later known as
Saint Peter) might have been more attracted to the Palestian cause - simply
because they are such gentile underdogs.

Jesus certainly would have almost no comprehension of the materialistic
Protestant death cult led by the George Bushs. He would see modern
Christian's as secular businessmen who seemed to worship their government
which would strike him as alarmingly and unfortunately quite predictably
similar to the Roman Empire, those loose lipped pagans that barely
practiced their own damn religion, whichever one was stylish for them at
the time. And don't think Jesus would have appreciated their (or our)
secular culture unilike other Hellenizied Greeks, he probably spoke no
Greek, little Latin and had an Aramaic accent that had cosmopolitans like
Saul laughing his ass off at him while advising Pilate to whack him. The
real Jesus would have no cogent concept of nationalism as we understand it.

Furthermore the fact that these Americans said they were Christians???- yet
who were not practicing Orthodox Jews (as all archaeological and literary
evidence shows he was). This would really confuse him (you can't imagine
the frustration he would have for people making a sinful idol out of his
own body and teachings). As would the fact that, to Jesus, it would appear
as if their only form of worship seemed to by socializing at some building
once a month on Sunday and making incoherent speeches which included
misquoting scripture in some ugly language seemingly devolved from those
primitive Frankish-Tueton barbarian tribes of Northern Europe that the
Centurians made so much fun of...

The Taliban would probably strike him as just another bunch as tribal
related zealots whose own particular death cult had spun out of control
from the collision pf a psychotic Persian version of Nazarene Mysticism
(the infamous and rambunctious longhair Hebrew athletic cult known for
their strenuous yogic practices) with a scary pagan military Babylonian
male fertility cult of child sociopaths.

That is what Jesus would most likely think, and what he would do is about
it is preach what he thought- since he wasn't really a great carpenter and
his business was going under- the dude was way poor. His visions provided
him with a way out- a calling to preach, that's ultimately what he did
best. He was of a long line of ancient Hebrew Orthodox Jewish apocalyptic

Turn the other cheek buttheads, and be nice to one another so you get your
souls together for the real end, I love you all!

Jesus- he would think, say and do that!




Sign-up for POOR email!